DUOFILIA

Lodi, California

So, finally, tomorrow is the day. For the BellaVita trip, that is. BellaVita is a lifestyle center in Lodi, California. Which basically means they use natural and alternative therapies to help heal health conditions. I have had sort of a spiralling down of my Lyme in the past months and so I am looking forward to this boost.

I’m there for 10 days and then come home; will be home for less than a week and then we go on our road trip to Kansas. I’ve had SO much to do to prepare for both trips, mainly the KS trip, and I’m exhausted, so good thing I’m going to go to the “sanitarium” tomorrow to get rest and hopefully some sanity. I’ve heard that’s a good thing.

Frankly, I have mixed feelings about the Big Trip to KS. No second thoughts at this point, but it’s such a huge change. I know some people there, and love the ones I know, but I don’t know others, and don’t know their microculture. You know what I mean, every place, every family, has a microculture. Which is part of why most of us act reserved in a new place because you need to observe and then find out how you can fit in.

The girls will have no such issues. Well, maybe for the first hour, and then they will be part of whatever group they land in. Especially Summerbug, the social butterfly. Sydney will be more reserved and then will end up in some leadership role.

The thought of the Big Trip is exciting in the way that I actually enjoy change and love an adventure. We Atkin folk have a lot of adventure in our blood. In my family we have the immigrants to America from Britain; Oregon Trail Pioneers (that gave birth to twins along the way, yes ma’am); my great-grandparents who were missionaries to exotic places; my grandparents who went from farming in Southern Oregon to moving to Costa Rica and farming there; my great uncle and aunt who traveled the world by sailboat for 20 years; and Dad who went back to live in Costa Rica and who would scuba dive in any handy body of water.

Kansas seems absurdly tame, now that you mention it.

I had heard the Internet connection here was “spotty.” Ha ha ha. It is nearly nonexistent. Finally I got connected today after 14 days. Well, as you can see, putting my journal on here isn’t going to happen, but I have been writing my journal. I will post it next weekend. Lots of interesting stuff.

As for a quick update, I am feeling ew. I know, I know, that’s not what everyone wants to hear, but the good news is that I’m feeling ew because I am herxing like crazy, which is a good thing when you are a Lymey. Very, very tired. It’s been boot camp and I’m ready, ready to go home. It’s been a productive time, but more on that later.

I leave for the hotel by the airport tonight. I’m both excited to go to the clinic and very sad to leave my family.

I should detail a few of my “before” symptoms, so I have something to compare by the end of this. This is just briefly for tonight, as I want to spend the majority of this time with my family.

Neuro: severe fatigue, migraines and other headaches, balance problems, tremors, memory problems, speech problems, vision problems, generalized pain, heat/cold sensitivities, insomnia, difficulty concentrating, “brain fog”

Cardio: palpitations, chest pain, heart murmur

Skin: severe keratitis pilaris — don’t know if this is Lyme related, but it occured around the same time, so I’ll list it

Musculo-skeletal: muscle and joint pain, especially back (I do have previous back injuries), neck, L shoulder (that is probably an injury), R hip, R leg in general

GI: abdominal pain, nausea, hypoglycemia (not really GI, but had to put it somewhere)

What did I miss? I’ll think of them when my memory comes back. Ha, ha!

I’m traveling to Portland tonight and then by air Atlanta by way of Denver and then will be driven to another state in the south. I don’t know what kind of wi-fi access there is — or lack thereof — so we’ll see. I’ll try to post as soon as I can figure all that out.

Now back to my sweet girls and my husband, and everyone else around here. 

Too much to do and no energy. Maybe I’ll just wear the same clothes for the 18 days. Ew.

Today we did school mostly as usual. Spanish, Piano, Early American History, Spelling, etc. Learned about Phyllis Wheatley. Did a lot of fluffy but fun crafty stuff. Listened to O Fortuna on the stereo, loud, for the bombastic joy of it. Drank in just being with my girls.

I haven’t packed a single item yet but I compulsively did every item of laundry in the house including blankets. I have more laundry to put away but I think that I might just play a little piano and go to bed. Aaron Copland or Beethoven. Oh, yeah, Sonata No. 14 will do the trick. Depressingly beautiful. Just right for my mixed feelings tonight.

I’m going on an 18 day in-patient session for Lyme Disease. David says I need to journal it, so I will try.

In the meantime, some housekeeping in Duofilia.

I have to say that it is a little hard to start again because Fred’s not out there listening, but my friend and cousin Roger told me basically I could use that excuse for the remainder of 2008 but in ’09 I must get on with it. Writing has always been an essential part of my life, so I’m sure it will eventually get easier and good for my spirit. Life has changed a lot in the past year for many reasons and I am different. Hopefully in a good way. Obviously the loss of Fred was a huge thing for me, not to mention coming less than a year after Calvin’s death; the Lyme has been a pain, so say it lightly; my dad’s near-death in November; a big work crisis last year; family issues. I believe that these times in life are meant for a purpose; they are the prunings of the Master Gardener. Painful, at times excrutiating; but they have molded me. I hope I have come out the other side better, to someday be the fine prized rose He wants me to be.

Duofilia: As you can tell I went back to my Duofilia “roots” with the blog theme. I’m asking SydSum Design to design a new one for me — if I can get on his waiting list. I made you fresh chili and cornbread today, dude. Surely that’s a down payment. Until then, I’ll hang out in this theme.

This and that about my Lyme therapy: I’m not going to put the name of the clinic here, since Lyme treatment is currently politically charged and LLMDs (Lyme literate MDs) have been vilified in court, much like many mavericks and reformers in the past. But I will to journal my journey as best I can otherwise, but must say that exhaustion may be an obstacle. The purpose of journaling this will be to provide a record for myself, to let my loved ones know how and what I am doing, to be of some service to the Lyme community in general.

I leave on January 25 and return February 12. I plan to request the most intense session that I can take and I plan to push it to the limits. I am so done with Lyme. I am not saying I will walk away with a cure, but I do know that I will come out of this with renewed strength an energy. Cure is up to God and I can only do what I can on my end.